Am I the WIFE or NAH???
“Please give advice to the ladies that are girlfriends acting like wives. Playing house, having sex, and spending crazy amounts of money on the guy.”
Let’s all review the definition of a wife. A wife is a woman who is legally and spiritually bound to a man through God’s ordination. There are three people in a marriage. It includes the husband, the wife, and God in the center. You cannot be a wife if you’re not married. Now a days, we use the terms, “wife”and “wifey” in the stages of dating and courtship, but let’s not get confused into thinking that we are actually wives. We are not, until we have become MARRIED.
A wife is not a girlfriend of 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, or 7 years. Ten or more years of being with a man also does not make you a wife. Twenty years does not make you a wife. I hope you’re catching my drift. You can date someone for as long as you want, but there is no point in time where you will magically transform into a wife unless you have exchanged vows, rings, and signed legal papers. I know not all couples can afford rings, but the vows and signing of documents are more important. The rings are a symbol and remembrance of the vows you and your husband have made to each other. Ladies, do not play yourselves. If you catch yourself in a relationship for so many years without a proposal that leads to marriage, then I need you to re-evaluate your position in the relationship. You probably should leave.
Now, until you have become a wife, you should never feel obligated to cook, clean, have sex, or spend money on this man. The list goes on. You are not bound to this man, and so you should not be investing these aspects of yourself into the relationship. It’s not good to do so. If this man was right for you, he would know when to separate the two. He wouldn’t sit there and take advantage of you. Instead of investing your own skills, you should help him brush up on his own skills. Help him learn how to cook and do his own chores. If you think that he is the man you want to marry, it’ll be a win-win situation. You will end up marrying someone that knows how to cook and clean for themselves and then you wont have to worry about whether he’ll still be alive if you take a business trip.
When it comes to money, keep it in your bank account. Don’t spend your hard earned money on a relationship that has no future; or maybe I should say “productive future”. If this man is not about to be your husband, you should not be sharing bank accounts, credit cards, or anything of that sort. Your money should be for you alone. As a woman that’s not married, it’s important to build yourself financially so that you are prepared for the next phases of your life. Don’t allow a guy to keep you from establishing a safety net for yourself. At the end of the day, you can spend so much money and energy on someone and watch them walk away with another woman on their arm. You’ll be standing there thinking, “I just wasted all my money on him for nothing.” Don’t take that risk. Be sure about the relationship before you even think about using small amounts of money here or there.
You are not your boyfriend’s mother or family member. He has family for a reason. It’s his family’s responsibility to help him and make sure that he is okay. They may not always fulfill this role, but that doesn’t give you the green light to go ahead and become his family, unless you are his WIFE. As the wife, you ARE your husband’s family. As the girlfriend, the purpose of your relationship is to get to know each other. You should be having fun and going out on dates from time to time and just getting to know each other to build a lasting relationship. No one enters a relationship with the intention of holding the title of CARETAKER. That’s not your job, so don’t get it twisted.
When you decide to give your boyfriend “wife” privileges, you first disappoint God, you become and continue to be embarrassed, and you’re just wasting valuable time. Your boyfriend will never see the value in making you his wife if you make yourself a wife before your time. If you’re cooking, cleaning, and especially giving him sex, something that should be reserved for your HUSBAND, then why should he make it official? Would you make it official if you were in his shoes? No, you wouldn’t. After all, you would be saving money by not getting married. In my definition of a wife, I mentioned being spiritually bound. You become spiritually bound with someone the moment you have sex with them. You may not realize it, but you have already become their wife. This is really for another post, but I just want to say that this spiritual marriage you have entered just by having sex, is not through God’s ordination and does not necessarily make you “married”, instead, it makes your souls “tied” to each other. Spiritual marriages come with so many issues, and so don’t involve yourself in that. Save yourselves from the struggle of trying to get out of such a union. It’s not worth it.
For those of you who DO get a proposal, don’t think of that as your end point. The goal is marriage. The proposal is just the step before. Once you get proposed to, you should see the end point of marriage in the future. You should pick a date and avoid being engaged for years upon years, because your position will then be no different than a girlfriend of many years. It’ll be the same. Don’t get comfortable with being the fiance, and don’t confuse the role of fiance as the role of a wife. The positions are not the same. They will never equate to each other.
Children are the greatest blessing anyone could receive. Don’t put your children into an unstable relationship. Don’t bring them into this world and keep them from being more secure through marriage. Children will not make any man stay, especially when you’re not bound in any way. When you are not married, your boyfriend has no reason to stay if he doesn’t want to. He has the right to leave, just as much as you do. You then have resentment towards him, and for some people, it’s passed onto the children who then learn to feel a certain kind of way towards their father. Homes become broken because they had no business being homes to begin with when the commitment was never made. Don’t set yourself up. More importantly, don’t set your children up. Your children will develop emotions and characters that are negatively influenced by what is going on between you and the person you decided to give wife privileges to. Do better for yourself.
I’m in no way saying that being married means that your husband is guaranteed to stay with you or is willing to be a good example for your child, but most times than not, your husband will provide the stability your children need in the family. If you choose your husband wisely, you probably won’t have to worry about that. Prayer is key.
Women! We are valuable! Don’t let anyone take your value away. God sees you as a precious jewel. Don’t let a temporary man chip away at your lustrous shine. You’re worth more than that. Be the virtuous woman God has called you to be and give yourself ONLY to the man that God has set aside for you. God will never lead you to a man that will entice or persuade you to indulge in sin. That’s not God’s will for your lives. Let’s be patient and wait on God for HIS best.
God loves you.