Am I unequally yoked?

The question:

“Hello, I would like to let you know that I love all of your posts. I have a question. My sister and I are both christians. A couple of weeks ago this guy at my job has been getting at me. He is a cop and I’m currently going to school to become a nurse. He is very sweet, polite, and has a lot of good qualities. I feel like we could have a great future together; the only thing is that he is not a christian, but he does believe that there is a God. My big sister is against me getting to know him. We previously went on an amazing date where I met his family. I feel like I could change him by being a good role model to him. Am I wrong? How do I convince my sister that he is not going be a distraction to me?”

First, we would like to thank everyone that reads our posts. We only pray that our posts are helpful and eye-opening. If any of you have questions, be sure to send them to us via our “Contact” tab.

A lot of us have been mistaking the goods deeds of a man as an entry point for Heaven. Yes, there are many folks out there that do more for others and treat others better than we do as Christians. It’s sad, but it’s quite true. People can do all that they can to help others and to save the world, but if they do not have Jesus Christ, then they have nothing at all. The only way to be saved is to confess Jesus as your personal Savior and to believe. God left His advocate so that we could have a relationship with Him. If your potential boyfriend or spouse does not have a relationship with God, then he automatically has a relationship with the enemy whether he is completely aware of it or not. There is light and there is darkness. Light does not exist in darkness and darkness does not exist in light. There is no gray matter, and there is no in-between. Likewise, there is heaven or hell; there’s no waiting area for those who didn’t explicitly choose God or the devil, and so that’s important to know. Whether he saves animals in his spare time or gives to the needy, if he does not KNOW God — and I mean KNOW, then he is on the enemy’s side regardless.

Many people believe that there is a “god” or a “higher power” that is in charge, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they believe in God, nor does it mean that they have a ticket to heaven. There are several gods that exist. They are innumerable. There are sun gods, moon gods, and water and nature gods that people believe in. In this day and age, our phones and social media have become our gods. We have made our own selves to be gods just because of pride and our desire to worship our looks. John 3:16 says that “For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life.” If someone tells you that they believe in God, it’s important that they understand that although believing is necessary, they also have to profess with their mouths and declare that their lives belong to God. After this declaration, they need to live a life that is pleasing to God; they need to build a relationship with Him. — “If you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9 — As Christians, our end goal is to get to heaven. Heaven is like a grand party that everyone wants to get an invitation to. If you don’t build a relationship or actually know the person that’s throwing the party, you can’t expect to get an invitation, and you won’t get in. That’s plainly because they don’t know you even if you guys may have been acquaintances at some point. They don’t know you and you don’t know them. In the same manner, the person you choose to engage with in a romantic sense needs to have a relationship with God. It’s imperative!

2 Corinthians 6:14
-“Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness?” (NLT)
-“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?” (NKJV)
-“Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (NIV)

It’s not possible to have a future with someone who is not on the Lord’s side. The Bible tells us not to be unequally yoked. When you are yoked, you are bound or put together to fulfill a purpose. Let’s compare this concept to a three-legged race(a race where you have your left leg bound to your partner’s right leg or vice versa). If you were in a three-legged race, would it be wise to choose a partner that was taller than you, shorter than you, or the same height as you? The correct answer would be someone that is the same height as you. If you both are the same height, your stride lengths would almost be the same, thus giving you a better opportunity to make it to the end at a consistent pace. If your partner is shorter than you or vice versa, you guys would spend most of the time trying to figure out how to move forward and would be doing your best to keep yourselves from running in circles. You would either have to drag you partner or vice versa, and you both would just fall because you both are not at the same level. What if we use a different example? What if you just happened to get a tech job by falsifying information on your resume? You told the recruiters that you had a bachelor’s degree in programming and so they partner you up with someone who actually went to school for that. They give you a project to complete together. If you have no knowledge on the task you are to complete, it’ll take much longer because something that is meant to be completed with both sets of knowledge will have to be completed with one. In the same manner, Christians have the key to heaven and the key to life itself because our Source is the One who created it. Unbelievers do not have access to this because they do not know the God that we serve. They do not know the Source. We have the answer key, which is the Bible, and the Holy Spirit reveals deeper truths to us because of it, but unbelievers do not have that. If there is any battle that we need to fight for the sake of the gospel, we are able to fight it with our faith and prayer. Unbelievers do not have that. So involving yourself romantically with someone that does not have the same resources as you is only the greatest way to set yourself up for failure. Something that could’ve taken you minutes will take you years just because you refused to partner up with someone who already knew the answers to the test.

You have a great idea, but are approaching it the wrong way. It is not possible to EVER change anyone. People can be influenced, but changed? NO! Unless someone wants to do something from within their hearts, you cannot convince them to do otherwise. Even if you are able to convince them, it’s not something that will remain consistent unless they truly want it for themselves. Think of it this way, a drug addict can be convinced and coerced into joining a rehab program, but it’s up to them to take it seriously and do whatever they can to benefit from the situation. Many times addicts fall back into drugs simply because they never wanted to be free from it, and other times because the stronghold is beyond what they can physically handle. That’s where the Holy Spirit comes in. The Holy Spirit is the only entity that can change a person. It is only the Holy Spirit who can convict and change someone because that is the reason why He was left behind. Jesus said the Holy Spirit would come in order to be an advocate, and guide. You cannot change anyone, nor is it your job to attempt to do so because it will breed failure. It is only the Holy Spirit that can do that, and you should allow Him. The best thing you can do is pray for him. Pray that God will change his heart and bring him unto Himself.

So as you spend time praying for him, the very next thing you should do is make it very known to Him the importance of your relationship with God. Tell him with your mouth, but also show him with your actions. Many times, we forget that we are the only Bible some people will get to read, and so we forget to reflect Christ in all of our dealings. Use this opportunity to show him who Christ is through you. Don’t forget that Christ is within you and so reflecting Him should already be your life. If he is able to see the God that is in you, it may trigger something in him–a desire to know God or to at least give Him a try. Find ways to talk to him about God. If he refuses, that’s fine, but actions always speak louder than words, right? Exhibit Christ’s love, patience, kindness, forgiveness, and everything else. You will be ministering to him in the greatest way possible, and in the end, it can lead to his Salvation which would be the most important thing at this moment.

I think it’s in your best interest not to engage yourselves in a romantic relationship at this time, however, it’s also a bit hard to ensure that the two of you will remain “just friends” since you both have a physical and emotional attraction to each other. That would be up to you, but I would say that it would be good to remain cordial for the reasons listed above. If you are strong enough to remain friends, I think that would be the best option for the both of you. The same way you can influence him positively, he can also influence you negatively. It may not be his intention, but the devil can use anyone to stop God’s work. The enemy can also come wrapped up in the very thing that you like, and that’s why it’s important to always keep your interactions in prayer, that if it is against God, He will reveal it to you and guide you to an alternative route.

All-in-all. it’s not in your best interest to enter a relationship with someone who does not have an established and firm relationship with God. Let’s remember that when we choose our spouses, we have to make sure that they are the best option for us. Marriage is a long time commitment. You do not want to get stuck with someone who will not lead you towards your destiny just because of the charm they had when you first met them as opposed to the spirit of God that they should have possessed. Don’t use your life as an experiment because the results will not lead to success, but the very opposite. Run everything you do by God first, and be patient so that you can hear from Him that He may guide you into ALL truth. God always takes us through the correct paths as long as we are willing to let him take the lead.

 God loves you.

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