COMMUNICATION is necessary!

The question:

“Again with the long distance relationship, what if communication is a big problem? What if there is little or no communication? This is because you are both in school and he especially finds very hard to communicate. I remember in one of your blogs you said communication is a big piece, do we just break up then?”

Of all the fundamentals of dating and relationships, the greatest of them is COMMUNICATION. Communication is the essence of every relationship, whether familial, friendly or romantic. Without communication, your relationship does not exist. When I say communication, it is very different from simply talking, at least in my opinion.

We all talk. Whether we care that someone hears or not, we talk. We talk to people, and sometimes we talk AT people. Big difference. Talking is part of communication, but it doesn’t mean that it allows you to communicate effectively.

When you communicate, I believe it consists of a few components. I think it’s very important that you talk/speak, listen, PAY ATTENTION, and take a moment to understand. Communication is EVERYTHING. Lately in our world, we think communication is referred to texting or sending messages on social media avenues. That form of communication is not communication at all. Those platforms hinder honest communication. Everything is hid behind emojis, caps lock, and so many other irrelevant things. With typing your responses to people, you miss out on tone and true meaning of the message being conveyed. Let’s not allow these platforms to be our major source of “communication”. Let’s communicate the REAL way and avoid unnecessary strife through misinterpretation.

So first, in communication, as explained above, you talk/speak. You express yourself and say what is on your mind. You can talk about the weather, your day, things you encountered, your devotion for the day, and just so much. Let’s remember that this communication is not about your favorite colors and favorite everything. After some time, you get away from that and you begin to converse about things that are valuable to your future together as a couple. So talk. Let everything out and be HONEST. Never hide anything from your mate. Dishonesty only hurts your relationship and/or it can dissolve it period. As you speak, do so respectfully. Nothing personally turns me off than disrespect. If you want your audience, in this case, your mate to be receptive to what you have to say, be respectful, whether or not the message is positive.

Listen! A big portion of communication is the part where you LISTEN! I’m not talking about listening with the aim of putting together your rebuttal. Listen for the sake of understanding what your mate is trying to say. If you’re too busy trying to get together your rebuttal, you will miss out on very important information or the objective of what your mate is trying to inform you. If you don’t listen, you will never get to the point where you “understand”. Listening coincides with paying attention, and then understanding the point that is being made. Don’t focus too much on how incorrect you think your mate is. Pay attention and listen with the aim of understanding. Let’s not forget that you guys are on the same team. Giving each other the chance of listening and understanding what’s being relayed will only better your relationship. It never gives one person a leg up. If you think of it that way, you won’t succeed in your relationship.

If you don’t communicate, how do you then determine the type of person he is? Yes, he may have been charming when you first met, but let me tell you that people change just as swiftly as the wind blows. The person you may have met two years ago, will not remain the same; and without communication, you will not be in tune with that change whether it is considered to be growth or not. A relationship cannot exist without communication.

Think of it this way; as Christians, we only continue to be “Christians” by communicating with God. You can’t be a Christian and not communicate with God. It’s just impossible. You may read the bible and not pray, which I don’t recommend, but the Holy Spirit speaks to you through the Word of God as long as you listen. Without it, you cannot have a relationship with God. In this case, your mate cannot be your mate if they are not making an effort to speak with you.

Times get rough and we all get busy, however, if you find something that is important to you, you will always make time for it. You always find a moment to text your best friend or your classmate in order to get help with homework and life’s troubles, right? You do it because you need it and you find it to be a priority. If you cannot prioritize communication in your relationship, then your relationship just doesn’t exist. If you guys are too busy to make time for each other in communication, then maybe you guys should take a break from each other and figure yourselves out. In this time, strongly consider working on your time management skills. As I mentioned, we all get busy, but we make time for things we find to be important. Once you get married, have children, a job, and whatever God decides to give you, life will become very busy, but you will still have to manage your time in a way that you still make time for each of those that matter in your life and then also make time for God.

You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship. Go through life at the pace God directs you to. If you know having a boyfriend is not the best thing for you at any given time, then make the right decision for YOURSELF. There is no race to the finish line God has defined for you.

God loves you.

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