Deal Breakers: Let’s Name a Few
I would just like to say a big THANK YOU to you all. The support has been great and I have been receiving a lot of feedback relating to my posts being helpful.
I’ve noticed that a lot of guys have jumped on board, and so I just want to let the MEN know that this blog is not just for females. It is a blog for everyone, but please understand that I will be writing from a female’s perspective. I believe that you can flip the script and apply it to your own situations as well.
Thanks again, and Happy Reading!
“What are some relationship deal breakers?”
- Not a Christian: Now, I don’t mean “I go to church on Sunday…sometimes” or “I believe in God, but don’t go to church”. As many say, going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than sitting in a garage makes you a car. I’m talking about A FOLLOWER OF CHRIST. The bible says that we should not just be listeners of the word, but doers of the word of God. This individual you are bringing into your life needs to be someone who is striving for perfection in Christ, and not someone who continuously cries that “only God can judge [him]”. This is very important because your marriage is a ministry. God gave us the ability to procreate in order to grow his kingdom. In order to do that, your kids need to be raised in the fear of the Lord. If your mate is not capable of doing that, then I’m sorry, it’s just not the best thing for you. You need someone who can lead your family to be a blessing to those they meet and also to reach the ultimate goal of getting to heaven TOGETHER.
Now, I know many of you may say that you know people who have gotten married and either the wife was a follower of Christ, and the husband was not, however, they are still together. Yes, that is very common for our parents generation, however, it’s a curse that I think is important to break. I’ve witnessed a few families where this is their everyday lives and they are not happy. They struggle because their spouse doesn’t delight in things that are important to them and doesn’t live in a manner that is pleasing to God. This then separates the family instead of bringing it together. Don’t make that lifestyle your headache. When you get married, you get married knowing that you’re staying in it forever. Apostle Paul gives us advice on this in 1 Corinthians 7. Don’t fall in love with someone who doesn’t know WHO love is, and then regret it as life goes on.
- Pre-Marital Sex: If your mate is only concerned about having sex with you, then you should let them go. Anyone that believes in Christ should know that God does not approve of fornication and if your mate does not see the importance or the blessing in waiting until marriage, it will only be a matter of time before they steer you down another path that will be detrimental to your destiny. If anything is causing you to sin, CUT IT OFF!
- Dating without a purpose: I’m not completely sure which age groups are reading this blog, but when you are in your twenties, I believe that you should be able to get away from the notion that you are just dating for fun. Date with a purpose. Don’t waste your time on people who will not deposit value and substance into your future. It’s a waste of your precious life. Life is already too short, so don’t make it a hobby to waste that short time with people who won’t make your life better in the eyes of God. Date with the thought of marriage at the back of your mind. Look for people who have the qualities of a husband that can lead or a wife that is ready to serve. If you do that, you won’t have to worry about which parent your children will end up emulating.
***Always make sure that whomever you decide to entertain has told you that they see marriage in the near future. If you guys don’t talk about this, you may just end up struggling to get a ring because it may not have been his primary goal for the relationship.***
- Education/Dreams/Aspirations: Your mate should have tangible short-term and long-term goals as they relate to his career. By God’s divine hierarchy, the man is responsible for taking care of the family. I’m not saying the wife shouldn’t help, but I think every man should be in the position to take care of the family alone with no help. Anything can happen. The moment you have a child, things can and will change. For some, the mothers have to quit their jobs and be at home for some time and the husband has to take care of everything. The woman should also be in the position to take the fall if anything were to happen to her husband as well. I’m not saying that you need to be rich, but you should make enough to get by. Money comes and goes with the wind, as long as you can take care of yourself and your family, you’re good. Also, with the goals, make sure that he has mapped out where he sees himself. If he has a goal of starting up a company or going back to school, he should be able to give you a time frame so that you know that it’s a dream that’s in sight and not just something he daydreams about.
- Morals/Values: Does he have the same morals as you? Do you guys believe the same things? Morals and values shape a person. It determines if they are compassionate, rude, insensitive, and even more. You want to know what type of person you are involving yourself with. Do they value family, education, God, independence, and etc? This becomes more important when it’s time to raise a family. You guys don’t want to have conflicting morals and values when you’re trying to decide what to teach your children.
- Addictions: Does he have any addictions? Does he partake in recreational smoking? Is he addicted to porn? Is he addicted to social media? I think in this day and age, we’re all obsessed with social media in some way or another, but all these things are important. Is he or she polluting their mind and body with things that are not positively influencing their lives? Let us not forget that our bodies are the temple of God. The Holy Spirit lives within us and so we should do our best not to defile our bodies.
- Dishonesty: Is he honest with you? Is he honest with you and others? If he needs to get out of something, what does he say? This may not seem like a big deal, but I personally think it is. Honesty will speak to his character. What he does to others will most definitely be done to you without you even realizing. If he is not honest, you will be building a relationship with little to no trust. Those relationships never last because you will always look over your shoulder or take extreme measures to see if he is actually where he said he would be. Take note and make sure that you don’t end up with some one who makes ” little white lies” his hobby.
- Is he able to pray with you? Prayer is a very important aspect of life. Prayer is communication with God. It is the weapon we use to fight against the enemies that we do and do not see. The bible says in Ephesians 6:12 that, “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” Be sure to pair up with someone who understands the importance of warfare in the spiritual realm. You need someone who can pray with you, but then pray for you when you get to a point where you can’t even pray for yourself.
These are just a few of my deal breakers. There are many more deal breakers to look at, but I believe you get the idea of it all.
God loves you.