Does God Choose Your Spouse?

Now this question is something that I’ve been thinking about for a very long time, and tend to change my mind on from time to time. I do want to say that this post is just a little essay about my thoughts. I would love to have a HEALTHY discussion about it on our forum (which will be available all week) if any of you are interested. In no way am I interested in swaying anyone’s opinions. I am simply putting my thoughts on paper. I hope you enjoy it and share your thoughts as well.

This question has been asked and questioned for as long as I can remember and I’ve had debates about it with friends as well. I have friends who believe that God specifically chooses your spouse and also have friends who think the total opposite. As of this moment, my stance is that God does not choose your spouse. You may wonder why, and so I’m going to explain my thoughts below.

Personally, I’ve always known that God was/is in control of our lives, however, He did give us free-will to live our lives as we please. With this free-will, it’s important to know that our choices will be judged accordingly. Now, one of the many characteristics of God is that He is all-knowing. So, even with our free-will, He knows what our decisions will be day-to-day, year-to-year, and etc. I think that we mistake God knowing everything as God DECIDING how things will play out.

Let’s be real. God gave Adam and Eve the option of eating the fruit of ANY tree except for that particular one tree. God had already given them the answer to the test, however, they CHOSE to eat from the tree of the forbidden fruit, thus causing all the repercussions we are all facing today. It was their decision, not the Lord’s. I think if God was so concerned with choosing our spouses, he would instead decide for us all to be saved as opposed to it being our choice to verbally confess Him as Lord of our lives. Isn’t salvation and our relationship with God more important than marriage? I believe it is, and so I don’t know why some of us believe that God would choose our spouses for us , but not our salvation. Let’s all be reminded that marriage is not a commandment. It’s not required that we all get married. Paul even said that it’s better for folks to stay single so that they devote all of their time to God. Marriage is a choice, and who you desire to enter marriage with is also your choice. Whether you conduct your marriage to fulfill the glory of God or not is also a choice, it’s not just something that automatically happens just because you decided to get married. Everything we do on this Earth is a CHOICE.

The Holy Spirit is there to guide us into all truths IF WE LISTEN TO HIM. So yes, if you listen to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to lead you to the right person, then that’s great, but when the Holy Spirit leads you to the right person, it’s up to you to make the step. I would want that for everyone, however, not everyone looks to the Holy Spirit for guidance in that area. There are also times where the Holy Spirit leads us to a good fit, but we use our personal preferences to decide whether or not we think the Holy Spirit is right(a.k.a. friend zone). It’s not that the Holy Spirit didn’t guide us; we just chose not to listen.

Also, if God were to choose your spouse, would you also hold Him responsible for your divorce, after all, He’s the one that “chose” your spouse for you?  He would’ve known that the particular person He “chose” for you would put no effort into the marriage and it would result in divorce…right? God hates divorce in all shapes and forms, so how would you account for situations like that if you say God “chooses” your spouse?

I read a riddle some years ago and it went something like this: A man was drowning in the ocean. A boat came by with an attendant and asked if the man needed help. The man told the attendant that God would save him. The man continued to drown when a second boat came by. The attendant asked if the man needed help. Yet again, the man responded, “God will save me.” A third boat came by and the man had the same interaction with the attendant. In the end, the man drowned and met God. He asked God, “Why didn’t you save me?” God responded, “I sent you three boats.”

So now I ask, was it God’s fault? No. God sent avenues for the man to be saved, but the man had free-will. He chose not to get help from the three attendants that had passed by and offered to help. God knew what the outcome would be, however, He did not CHOOSE for the man to die; that was the man’s own choice.

Now, I do believe that if we ask God for direction, He will grant us that and the Holy Spirit will guide us towards the better option, but at the end of the day, it’s up to us to adhere to the promptings of the Holy Spirit. We always say, “something told me not to go there”, but in the end, we went. So is that our fault or the Holy Spirit’s fault? It’s ours because we did not listen to the Holy Spirit. In the same manner, God can present you with options and the Holy Spirit can lead you towards the better option, but if you do not choose to listen based on your own personal “checklist”, that’s on you.

Once again, these were just my own thoughts and convictions, and if you click on the “FORUM” tab, you can join in on the conversation. We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Please invite your friends. The forum will be open throughout the week!

God loves you.

2 replies
  1. Merene
    Merene says:

    Interesting! God specifically guided me to my spouse. Like literally one day I met this guy at work and the Holy Spirit said here you go. He wasn’t even on my radar lol.

  2. Derek
    Derek says:

    Good piece!

    I’m with your view point. And yes if you involve God and specifically ask him to guide you with the decision making process, He’ll definitely play His part.

    God is very good at working with our decisions/mistakes… throughout the Bible he does that over and over again, an example is how Solomon was brought into the world!


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