Finding Him: Is he the one?

The question:

“I’ve always kinda wondered how you know ‘he is the one’.”

It’s hard to give advice on this topic because it’s something that you feel when the time comes. It’s not a feeling that can be described. It’s something that you just know.

Here’s how I knew my husband was the one:

I had prayed a special prayer about not wasting my time on anyone that was not going to be in my future and lead me to marriage. About 8 months later, a friend of mine introduced me to his friend at an Easter Convention. It wasn’t a formal introduction. We just happened to sit next to my friend, and he went on to introduce us to his friends that were sitting around him. My husband was one of them. I remembered his name because I had never met anyone with his name before. The next day I met up with my friend, and my husband was also with him at the time. At that moment, there was just a really sharp voice telling me that I needed to know more about him. I didn’t say anything to him and went back home. I later found out that he also had the same type of experience, but didn’t make a move because he wasn’t sure if there was anything going on between myself and my friend.

So about a month later, we met up again in Albany. I had the intention of going to a graduation party, and on his side, he hadn’t really planned on going, but found a means of transportation since he had moved out of the town. We met up that day at church and he came by to say hi to me again. He was surprised that I had remembered his name, and later at the party, he actually took my number.

Although I felt that our meeting and all was by the Holy Spirit, I knew for sure that he was the one when I had told him what my dreams were. Normally, when I told a guy what I was interested in and about my dreams, they wouldn’t really take me seriously. They would ask me what I would do for a “real” job. To me, that was insulting because it meant that they already doubted my abilities and talents in becoming a Fashion Designer. When he told me that he wasn’t into the whole “Corporate America” lifestyle, it was just confirmation for me. He didn’t want me to change my dreams, but actually wanted to help me make them happen.

Avoid making the wrong choice: Don’t make your decision based on desperation for marriage. Getting married is not a race in any way. You may be a bit older than you would like to be, but that is no reason to give in to someone who is not meant to be your forever. Being single for some time may seem like forever, however, marrying the wrong person will literally be forever and you would be better off single. Make the right choice. If you have the slightest doubt, then you already know your answer.

Are you happy in the relationship?: You should genuinely be happy. Every couple fights from time to time, however, your fighting should not be more than your pleasant times. What do you guys fight about? Something a lot of us may not realize is that the things you love about your mate will also be the same reason why you can’t stand him. You guys will continue to argue about the same things because they will be linked to what you love about your mate.  These issues will continue to resurface from time to time if you don’t take note.

Do you guys agree on the important things?: Do you agree on whether or not you want children? Do you guys believe the same things spiritually? Do you both believe in tithing and giving God his 10 percent? Do you agree on your lifestyles? Are those lifestyles pleasing to God? It’s important that you guys agree on the big things. Marriage brings glory to God when you agree. Marriage is a partnership. God is putting you both on the same team, and a team cannot function unless it agrees.

Does he cause you to sin?: Does he encourage you to do things that are against God? Anyone that doesn’t see value in a relationship with God should not be considered as a potential husband. If he is encouraging you to lie, steal, fornicate and etc., he is not the one for you. You may already be attached to him by having sex, but that doesn’t mean you can’t leave him and do better for yourself. If your hand is causing you to sin, you should cut it off. If this boyfriend or potential husband of yours is causing you to sin, CUT HIM OFF! If you can’t be faithful to God with your body, what makes you think that you can be faithful to God period? God is always faithful to us, let’s at least try to give Him some of it back.
Read more about this in some of our past posts: Incorporating Christ into your relationship,Tips on Abstinence  & Deal Breakers: Let’s Name a Few

Does he enhance your Christian walk?: Without God, life is a mess. Don’t allow a man to bring a mess into your life. Your relationship with God will be the most important relationship you ever have. If he replaces that relationship instead of enhancing it, then he is definitely not the one. A man cannot lead your family into an institution created by God if he doesn’t have a relationship with God. If he is not on fire for God, then that is also an issue. It doesn’t matter if he’s cold, lukewarm, or “almost” hot. God only sees a person as hot or cold. Being lukewarm is the most dangerous position to be in because you are telling God that you are living a double life. If you’re going to disobey God, then disobey him all the way. Don’t do half and half because He hates that even more.

As I mentioned earlier, you will know when the time comes. Let prayer guide your decision as well as the voice of the Holy Spirit. Don’t be stubborn. If you need to let him go, believe that you are doing yourself a favor.

God loves you.

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