Friendship is good too

The question:

“You like this guy and he likes you too. It is as if he likes you even a lot more than you do. This is not because of a deal breaker or anything but you are just not interested in a relationship at the moment: you just want to focus on yourself. You don’t think you are ready to be in a relationship but you also don’t want to lose him. How will you deal with this?”

I think that a lot of us have put a lot of faith in obtaining “titles”, which means we always want to be classified as a girlfriend or a boyfriend, etc. That is completely fine, however, it isn’t EVERYTHING. You can very well be in a relationship with someone and not necessarily be their girlfriend. The fact of the matter is that you two would have an understanding that you are interested in each other and are making efforts to take it further.

Personally, I later became concerned with acquiring a title because I noticed that some people wouldn’t take the “talking” stage seriously and would use it as a means to discredit the relationship that was forming and then later end the relationship because they technically weren’t “committed” to me. So in my last relationship, I let him know that the status of the relationship needed to be identified and if it wasn’t going to be a “girlfriend” status, then I wasn’t going to waste my time and get myself into the same trend once again.

However, I do know a few people that started off their relationships without having a title. They trusted each other enough and established that they wanted to move forward TOGETHER. It’s very possible to do so as long as both parties agree and remain loyal in such an agreement. Titles won’t really get you anywhere if the mindset is not correct, however, the choice is really yours.

You mentioned that you were not interested in a relationship at the moment and you just wanted to work on yourself. That’s perfectly fine and I applaud you for being able to identify that. Do what you feel is best for yourself. It’s never a bad idea to take time for yourself and work towards being better. It’s actually the best thing to do. Once you enter a relationship, you are in the relationship to give. You should never enter a relationship because of what you think you will receive. If you do this, your relationship will not last. Relationships and even marriage is about what you are investing each minute, hour, day and etc. If you know you are not ready to do that and put someone’s needs ahead of your own, you should take that time and get yourself together. Don’t keep yourself from this phase just because you are afraid to lose someone.

You can never “save” someone for yourself as you also mentioned in your question that you didn’t want to lose him. It’s a horrible feeling, however, I learned that what is for you, will always be for you. If he is meant to be your forever, he will be just that. You can’t force him to stay if he’s in a rush to possibly be in a relationship. Allow him to live his life and just pray and seek God for guidance. Ask that God directs you to the type of person He would want you to be with. He could possibly be the right person for you, but if it’s at the wrong time, it will turn things around.

Personally, I feel like I should’ve known my husband years before I had actually met him. He lived in a city that I frequently visited and went to Pentecost as well. When we got together, we came to realize that we were literally at the same events and that he was at a fashion show that I had done in Albany. With all of these coincidences, we had never met until the year I graduated from College. This only strengthened my faith and helped me believe that if the timing is not right, things just will not fall in place. God had everything worked out for the perfect time. I’m sure He knew that we would both have the time, energy, and maturity in that year as opposed to the years before. So don’t worry about possibly losing someone. If you end up losing them, then they were not meant for you. God is not in the business of making mistakes.

If you feel that this person is right for you, focus on the friendship. You can work on yourself and simply be friends with someone. The friendship is required in order for the relationship to flourish either way. Be friends and let God handle the rest at the RIGHT TIME!

God loves you.

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