I don’t want someone that’s too CHRISTIAN.

The question:

“I’m a young christian girl, and as you mentioned in your other posts, we tend to make a list of the type of man we want to meet. Personally, I want someone that is a christian, but I don’t want someone that is too christian. By that I mean, someone that is really deep in their relationship with God. I feel that with someone of that sort, life is just boring, and I believe that I’ll be missing out on adventurous love. Is that wrong?”

A lot of young, and some older folks do have this point of view and do view relationships in this sense. They believe that it is more of a burden to be with someone who is truly invested in their relationship with God because that type of life is perceived to be boring or unfulfilling.

I became more serious with God at a younger age although I came to really understand God while I was in college, and so I had to deal with this for years. I had friends that loved parties and taking trips out of the state just to go out and have what they considered to be fun. I had always let them know that I was not interested even when I got to the age where I had the ability to just get up and go wherever I wanted. They always viewed me to be the boring one, but in all honesty, I was content with not being a part of those activities. I found fun by doing a host of other things with friends who had the same views as I did.

Why is it that Christianity is considered to be boring?

We’ve become so caught up and assimilated in living among the “world” that we’ve somehow been brainwashed to think we actually belong TO the world. It’s only happening because we are not shielding ourselves with the armor of God. We constantly fail to realize that the fights we enter are not carnal, but are spiritual, and so we think that the music is simply music, the dancing is simply dancing, the drugs are simply things that will make our snap stories and Instagram accounts more interesting for viewers, and idolization simply “admiring one’s work.” We need to come back to the realization that we are not of this world and should act as such, but acting as such does not mean that we don’t enjoy life. You find those other things to be fun because of where you are in your walk with God. You may not have matured much and so it will be considered as fun in that moment. Barbies will continue to be fun for children until they grow up and get to the age where painting nails and getting hair done is more fun for them. For many, just intelligent conversation and going out to partake in activities can be very fun too. Spending time together and playing games can also be fun. It really depends on your level of maturity. Although you are rejecting the person who has their relationship with God figured out, without you even realizing, they may also be rejecting you because you have not reached a level of maturity that they are willing to engage.

I think that when folks are not interested in someone who puts effort into their relationship with God, it’s mostly because they think that they won’t have much of a sex life or that it will not be fulfilling for them. We are all sexual beings and God is the creator of sex. If it wasn’t an integral part of “married” life, God would not have made it such a pillar of the relationship.

There is absolutely no amount of sex that can salvage your relationship with God. When you do become mature (as age does not have a linear relationship with maturity), you will realize that your relationship with God is more important and that sex is just an added bonus to marriage. God sees how important it is and that’s why He tells us in His Word that the only time you don’t have sex should be when you and your spouse have agreed to refrain from it for whatever reason that may be.

Sex changes people and brings out a part of them that you may not have even known existed. A while back, I had a conversation with some family members and joked around about the fact that when you hear ministers praise their spouses, calling them “mighty man/woman of God”, and etc., they’re most likely referring to how they handle their business in the bedroom. Ministry starts at home, in the bedroom, whether or not you want to believe it. You minister to your wife/husband, before you minister to your children and then the church you oversee. I’ve seen ministers’ sermons reach a different kind of level after they’ve gotten married. So don’t think that you’ll be missing out on some type of adventure because your adventure will THEN begin once you get married and make your focus that of bringing glory to God. If God didn’t find it important or know the benefits sex had on a marriage, family, and to those who have the opportunity to witness the ministry afterwards, He wouldn’t have created it and made it a requirement of those of are married.

Let us not forget that marriage is a ministry. Whether you are a pastor/ pastor’s wife, or just an attending church member, your marriage is a ministry, and God will charge you as such. Just as your life was and is the bible people read, your marriage is that and even more. If you think you are getting married “just because”, then think twice about it.

At the end of the day, if you are getting married with the focus of having sex, your marriage will not succeed in any manner. Sex is very important in marriage, but it’s only a small portion of what marriage entails. It will not keep your marriage together when you find out that the two of you are not as compatible as you may have thought. Let’s learn to date with our minds and less with the parts of our bodies that remain covered.

God loves you.

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