I’m trapped in a box!

The question:

“I feel like I’ve been trapped in a box! He told me that I’m hard to love and now I feel  like I’m losing myself! I dated someone who identified himself as a minister/pastor in the making. When I met him, I was a make up artist and enjoyed dressing up and going out to have some fun. He told me that he really liked me although he knew of my interests. He continued to pursue me. After some time of dating, I feel like he was never satisfied with the person I was. He wanted to control me and tell me that it was a sin to wear short dresses with heels, and wear make up. I felt like he didn’t want me to be MYSELF. He should be able to accept me as I am. It’s not fair.”

Well, I think there a few topics to tackle:

  1. No one can trap you. No one. You have the power to leave any situation that is not fit for you. God gave us the power of CHOICE. Don’t allow anyone to make you think that you belong in a position that was not destined for you. Whether they say mean things to you, abuse you, or even if they’re just not supportive and want you to change who you are and your desires. Do what you feel is best for you. At the end of the day, when we all die and meet Jesus, he’s not going to judge you based on what other people “made” you do. He’ll judge you on the choices you decided to make. The choice you make is up to you, but be aware of the consequences that you may face with each choice. Leaving may just be the better choice for you.
  2.  As a “minister”, I believe that he should’ve been more prayerful in his selection of who he wanted to date. I don’t believe that God will give you someone who you would need to change because that would be impossible and it just wouldn’t be your place. I can’t say this enough, but there is NO ONE on this planet that can CHANGE somebody. It is only the Holy Spirit that can change people, and so if he didn’t find you fit, he should’ve expressed that to you in the beginning. I can attest to the fact that when you seriously pray for God to lead you to the person that is fit for you, he will definitely do it, but you also have to listen to his voice to discern whether the person who comes along is the right one or not.
    Side Note: I’ve realized that a lot of people jump up when they meet someone that’s interested in them who claims to be a minister or a pastor. I’m not saying that this individual person did that, but either way, no one should ever have to tell you that they are a minister. I believe that a true minister has a heart for God and approaches situations cautiously with much thought. I also feel that instead of hounding people to change, they spend more time on their knees and do the fighting there. So be careful. We are in the last days, and many people will come and say that they come in God’s name, but they may not even be a true representative of God.
  3. When you grow in your walk with God, you get to a point where you leave “childish” things behind, such as clubbing and getting drunk and etc. In Galatians 5:19-21(NIV), it states, “The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” The Holy Spirit doesn’t live in those places or during those activities. Let’s not forget that when God ascended into the heavens, He left behind his Holy Spirit to give us guidance. His Holy Spirit is a form of Himself that He deposited into each of us. If you are not doing things to please God, how can you expect His Holy Spirit to remain within you? For example, many of us know that smoking and drinking are harmful activities for a pregnant woman because it negatively affects her own health as well as the health of the baby. We should view the Holy Spirit in the same light. You are pregnant with the Holy Spirit. If you want the Holy Spirit to continue to dwell within you, don’t defile it with hookah and drinking and etc. … So back to “childish” things, many of you would run away and hide if you saw your pastor looking for you in the club, and you frankly should feel the same way knowing that God sees all. If you feel the need to hide something, it’s most likely because it’s something that you should not partake in. The Holy Spirit is our director. He tells us where to go and what to do and he gives us a sense of conviction when we are not doing something that is pleasing to the Lord. Grow in the Lord and learn to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.
  4. You have to understand why he may have wanted you to change. I believe some of his assumptions are outrageous, however, if his plan is to become a minister, it’s not you that he will make his first lady. His ministry would not grow if he was preaching one thing and you were living your life to contradict that. You probably don’t see first ladies with short dresses hanging out in a club, and so he is protecting his ministry. With that said, I don’t agree with him trying to change you. He should have simply let you know that the relationship was not best for him.
  5. Jesus saves anyone who is ready to receive Him. He doesn’t look for clean people. He looks for those that don’t have it all together. When you are a “child” in Christ, you will wear those itty bitty dresses, but God is looking for the relationship. When you begin to build that relationship with God, you will begin to put those behaviors to side and become a new creation in Christ.

Do what’s best for you. You’re in control of your life, so don’t put it in the hands of a man that’s not Jesus.

God loves you.

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