Moving on from the past…
So, I know I had mentioned that I would continue with “Overly Emotional Guys” today, however, I think I’ll hold that off for a little while and move on to something different.
I’m sure a number of us have departed from relationships that have hurt us emotionally. We’ve been let down by someone that promised to give us the entire world, especially their love and support.
I was once in a relationship with (Mark). Mark and I were very close and formed a cool and playful friendship. We were “close” friends for about 3 years or so and then began dating. Almost into a year of “official” and “unofficial” dating, I went to a party. I don’t remember if it was a wedding reception or birthday celebration, but that obviously didn’t even matter at that point. I just happened to turn my neck and could not believe that I was watching Mark flirting and hugging this other girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My best friend was with me at the time and so I snapped my neck back around to see her with the same facial expression. I was FURIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so hurt that the only emotion I could feel and express was anger. I couldn’t even cry because I was so mad and felt betrayed. I think I mentally lost it! I was not myself after that incident. I couldn’t even think. All I could do was be angry. This anger spilled over into my life and I just transformed into the meanest version of myself. I was so rude and careless when it came to others feelings. I just wanted others to feel my pain and so I treated them in a manner where they could not feel happy during their interaction with me. It was horrible and unacceptable. All these changes occurred because of ONE mere human being. It literally took me years to truly move on because I really loved this person.
The following question was posed;
“HOW DO I DEAL WITH ALL THIS PAIN??!!!!!!”
1. Go through your grieving process.
This man meant so much to you and clearly played a significant part in your everyday life. I’m sure you spoke to him day in and day out, and now the line is completely dead. Take some time to grieve. You have a right to be sad, upset, hurt, and whatever other emotion you may have. No one is bullet proof, and so it is very important to take some time to yourself and reflect on your feelings. Make sure you become mentally stable again. Acknowledge that it happened and that it only makes you wiser to know what some people are capable of. It will shape the way you view things, but let’s make sure it doesn’t cause you to view everything from a negative stand point.
Many are aware that if we do not forgive our peers, God in heaven will also fail to forgive you of YOUR sins[Matthew 6:15]. Understand that humans are flawed beings in every way. We are not perfect. We all make mistakes. Forgive him and then move on. Now, although you’ve forgiven the person that caused your pain, it’s very important that you also forgive yourself. Many times, we think, “I was so stupid”, “I should’ve realized what was going on”, “I should’ve listened to my friend/family”, as well as so many other thoughts rushing through our heads. Don’t beat yourself up. It has happened, and you can’t go back in time to make new choices. Make the best of your time moving forward. Do not come to the conclusion that all men are the same. They are not, and that isn’t fair to the men that actually do well.
3. Begin to see yourself the way God sees you.
God created you in His own image and loves you very much. He is the definition of love. Dying on the cross to forgo all of our sins was the ultimate display of love. Acknowledge that you are worthy of experiencing the earthly display of the love God gave us by bearing the cross to eliminate our sins. There is no one on this earth that will love you the way God does. God sees you as beautiful, smart, successful, and etc. God refuses to see you in a negative light, although you may personally feel like the filthiest person on the planet. See yourself the way God does. The more you understand who you are and whose you are, you will realize that you are worth much more than what these men may take you for.
4. Be content with NOT being in a relationship.
Time is a terrible thing to waste. Work on yourself! Heal! No one is in tip top shape. We can all improve or change something about ourselves. Take some time to note characters of your own self that you could refine and make better for the next person that you choose to enter a relationship with. Read your bible and pray more. Seek for God’s direction so that you don’t fall into the same situation over again. As you draw closer to God, he will give you discernment and when the time comes, your spirit will not feel well if you are forcing yourself against someone that is not meant for you.
5. Be more vigilant.
Meeting someone new is very exciting, however, after engaging in a relationship that has left you broken, it’s very vital that you become more vigilant. DO NOT RUSH into another relationship. Be content with being alone, and focus on building a friendship as opposed to entering the “talking” phase right away. Get to know people on a friendship level first so that you can try to pick up on their character when times get rough and especially when they get angry. You see someone in their truest form when you see them angry or dealing with adversity. Be friends first; you’ll end up becoming friends either way if it turns into a long term relationship. Pick up on little bits and details about who they are and how they act. I believe that it will make your next experience a better one.
6. Enjoy Life!
Take life a day at a time as it comes. You do not know the future, nor can you find ways to determine what will happen in the future. Don’t block your blessings by rushing into a relationship that was not meant for you. Have fun, and build memories; after all, those memories will make great conversation pieces when someone does come along. Be happy, look into a new hobby, and just do something that you will enjoy.
I hope that this was helpful. If you did find it helpful, please share it with a friend or two….or three or four. Don’t forget that you can always drop your thoughts or questions below in the comment box!
God loves you!