Please tell me more…

Let’s paint a scenario. You and a few of your friends go to a wedding reception. You enjoy yourself and dance a bit, but you realize that you have caught the eye of a handsome gentleman. This gentleman approaches you and tells you that you look beautiful and that he would like to get to know you. He takes your number and you guys start “talking”. In our generation, “talking” means that you are engaging in plenty of conversation in order to get to know someone for the purpose of moving the relationship to a dating status. Things have been moving smoothly, but you’ve come to a stand still because you feel that “Rick” is not telling you too much about himself, and when mood-changing events happen, he is not able to tell you the “whole story”. Rick has admitted that he does this because he’s afraid that he will share too much information and if the relationship doesn’t work out, then you will know too much about him and may in turn use it against him.

The question:

“How much information should you give out after 3 months? When does not giving enough information become a problem?”

If you’re trying to get to know someone, I feel you should get to know them. It doesn’t make sense to keep things a secret if you expect the other person to share their life with you as well. It also doesn’t make sense to keep secrets if you are trying to determine if this person is fit to be your husband. What if you have “too much baggage” and he is not ready for it and vice versa? You guys need to be honest with each other at every moment.

Some may say that it’s too soon to talk about personal familial issues. After a few months, I believe that you guys are deep enough into the relationship to talk about your family. If you did not feel that the person was trustworthy, I don’t think you would’ve entertained them past two or three weeks. You should be able to pick up on character traits by the way someone talks to their friends. What do they talk about? Is it a positive conversation? Is it simply gossip? This will help you determine whether the person is worth your time or not and then in turn, you can decide whether you can trust them enough to delve into deeper conversations about your family.

If you make the decision not to be completely honest and talk about the things that are going on in your life, you just may be sabotaging your own relationship. If you’re having a tough time and you have not expressed the reason behind it, you may in turn look for comfort from this man and he will not know how to comfort you. Now, if he can’t comfort you, you in turn will become angry because you would be expecting more from him. He then would also become angry because you’re expecting more from him, but because he doesn’t understand what is going on, he doesn’t know what he can do to help you. Let’s just make it simple. Use your discretion when it comes to talking about personal things, but if it’s been a few months and you don’t feel you can trust this person, then I’m sorry, he’s clearly not the one for you, or maybe you are simply having trust issues from past relationships. Whatever it is, identify it and work towards making it better.

If you are struggling with issues from your past, please tune in to this post: Moving on from the past…

God loves you!

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