Should my FRIENDS be involved?

The question:

“How much should we involve our friends in our relationships?”

First of all, I think it’s very important that you correctly identify a “friend”. People that you meet and see from time to time are your acquaintances. You should never feel so free to tell these people your business. You may have long-term acquaintances, which would be people that you’ve known for years that you have not developed a significant relationship with. Don’t mistake this type of relationship for friendship unless you make the choice of building it into one on your own time.

A friend should be someone that you confide in and vice versa. It should never be one-sided. If that person does not see you in the same light or in the same category, then they may not consider you a true friend. That in itself is a problem, because one should not be confused in that area at all.

Now, it’s good to study your friends for a period of time. A person may be very close to you in the beginning, but if they start drifting away, then you should take note of that. If they start exhibiting behaviors that make you wonder if they’re really a genuine friend, you should probably rethink their position in your life. If you find that people are always drifting away from you, maybe you need to take a moment and re-evaluate yourself and make sure that you are also a good friend to them.

I’ve seen memes of that “jealous friend”, but a friend of yours can never be jealous of you. In true friendship, their success is your success and you are all successful as a unit. My best friend has been a cheerleader for the New England Patriots. As her friend, I had always encouraged her to follow her dreams of becoming a dancer full time. She would ask me if she should audition for certain TV shows and athletic teams, and I would always cheer her on. When it came for the Patriots’ audition, I stood behind her in prayer and by God’s grace, she was chosen in the final cut of the auditions. We were actually together when she found out that she had made the team. A jealous bone never entered my body because she was and continues to be a very good friend of mine. Her success was my success. Through it all, she has used her platform to promote my business without me even asking, and that’s what a true friendship is.

When it comes to your own personal relationship, it’s up to your discretion. Don’t run around to your “friends” and tell them all of your business. While you’re dating, it’s good to get ideas from your friends when it concerns your best interest. You can see what they think about the guy and if they think he is a good fit for you. Through it all use DISCRETION. Don’t brag about how sweet your guy is, especially when you have single friends who may have jealous tendencies. They will end up snatching your guy from right under your nose. It may be hard to believe, but it happens ALL THE TIME!

The moment you get married, you should keep things between yourself and your spouse as much as possible. The devil is lurking, and he can use one of your friends to break you up if you guys are not careful. Now, this is something that also applies to family. Just because they’re family, doesn’t mean that they want the best for you. There are “politics” within the family.

Personally, I like to keep things to myself. I only have a few friends that are legitimately my friends. From time to time, very rarely, I will tell them what we have been up to or bring up a few examples if the conversation leads me to do so. I have a very strong filter, and so I always make sure that I never make my husband look bad in any way. I never tell them about any disagreements my husband and I may have had. When my husband and I were dating, we actually got into a big argument where we thought we would even break up. I had told my good friends what had happened in the heat of the moment before myself and my husband could calm down and think things through. A few days later, my husband and I were back to normal, and my friends were sitting there asking me why we were still together after such a fight. Although I had forgiven him and moved on, they still held onto that. This scenario is one of the main reasons why it’s important to keep things between yourself and your spouse or boyfriend. The people that are closest to you always want what’s best for you and if they get the slightest idea that he may not be good for you, they’ll begin to question why you guys are still together.

Tell your friends the absolute minimum that doesn’t allow them to pry into territory that’s just not their business. You can ask friends for advice on surprises or dinner events, or which places you guys could go to just for fun. These types of things are okay to ask a friend, but make sure you’re relaying this info to the RIGHT type of friend.

Everything in life boils down to prayer. Pray that God shows you who your true friends are and trust that the ones who are not genuine will begin to show their faces. Thwart those people out and associate yourself with the ones that will bring you closer to God. I believe that those friends will be the ones that can help you out in any and every area -not just your relationships.

God loves you.

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