Should the past… stay in the past??

Haley and Grant have been friends for a couple of years. There was a time that they became more than friends for a short while, but that didn’t work out. Haley was really into Grant because he had all the right traits of a potential husband, however, 2 years later, Haley got into a relationship. A few months after the start of Haley’s relationship, Haley met up with Grant at an event, and Grant seemed to have expressed some interest in her as he flirted with her the entire night. Haley wondered how things would’ve gone if they had stayed together. Is she wrong for that?

I’m sure the first thing you are thinking is that no one should go back to an “ex” or someone they used to “talk” to in the past. This would apply for folks that have treated you with blatant disrespect and disregard, however, in this case, Grant did not treat Haley in a disrespectful manner. In fact, he was the most polite person a man could ever be, and when he felt that things were not going in the right direction, he made it his priority to speak to Haley about it, and they remained friends.

So in this situation, I say, no. Haley isn’t wrong for wondering how things would’ve been. We all think back from time to time and wonder how things would’ve been if we had remained in a particular relationship. Let’s not forget that while Haley is having these thoughts, she still has a boyfriend. Now, Haley’s current boyfriend is everything she thought she needed except for the fact that his spirituality is not at a level where it should be. However, Grant’s spirituality is. What should she do?

If you think avoiding the thought that you may want to be with someone else is the way to solve the problem, then let me inform you that you are wrong. You need to confront these thoughts and figure out what you truly want.

Avoid the “What Ifs”

Looking back and thinking about what could’ve been is never an issue unless you don’t believe you’ve made the right choice. In this case, Haley isn’t married, and so if she needed to, she could make a better choice for herself. Now some of you may think that it’s messed up for her to do so, but when you are not tied down, the best thing you can do for yourself is make sure that you’ve made the right decision.

You do not want to be that person that refuses to deal with the thought of possibly still liking the person from your past, but then feels at loss when that individual is doing well in life. You may wonder, “things would’ve probably turned out great if we continued our relationship.”

If Haley decides to leave her boyfriend behind and pursue Grant, some of you may think that it’s a bad idea, especially if things don’t work out with Grant again. I actually think the opposite. If she was able to realize that her current boyfriend was not a better choice compared to Grant, then that means her boyfriend was never right for her. If her boyfriend was right for her, she wouldn’t even be in the position to consider what things would’ve been like with Grant.

If things don’t work out with Grant, then she’ll be single. Wouldn’t it have been better for her to just stay with her boyfriend?

No, it would’ve been a bad option for her to remain with her boyfriend. Let’s not forget that if she realized that Grant was the better choice even if it didn’t end up working out, by her choosing Grant, she acknowledged that her boyfriend was not the best fit for her future. If she remained with her boyfriend, then she would be settling for a future that was less than what she felt best for herself. So is it more important to be taken than it is to be “taken” by the correct man?

We put so much emphasis on being in a relationship and not enough emphasis on being in the RIGHT relationship. When you get married, the commitment is FOREVER. It’s not just for the great days when you feel that life is bliss. You are agreeing to a man that will lead your family. If you know that this individual will not lead your family to its greatest potential, then I’m sorry, you need to cut that off. Starting over is a process, but it’s a process that’s worth it when you know you are making a better decision for your future.

On the flip side, her choice to stay with the boyfriend would not be fair for him. He wouldn’t know what was going on and would continue the relationship thinking that everything was fine, when in fact, IT WASN’T.  He would also be wasting his time trying to work on a relationship with someone who didn’t feel that he was right for her, and instead of spending his time to find someone who felt that he was more than enough for them, he would instead spend his time entertaining the one that didn’t feel that way.

As I mentioned in another post, Being Single is NOT a DISEASE!. Your time as a single individual is your time for trial and error. Make your choices selfishly and figure out what is good for you. Don’t allow societal norms to make you think that you don’t deserve better for yourself and your future. Marriage is the real deal. If you aren’t certain about the person you are dating, don’t ever let it get you to the altar before you realize you may have made a mistake. Sanctity in your relationship is much more important.

God loves you.

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