Should we argue?????

The question:

“So I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months and we haven’t had an argument. Is that bad? Should we be arguing?”

Honeymoon Phase

EVERYONE loves the honeymoon phase. It’s like the most innocent part of the relationship. Everything that happens during this time is perfect and you’re both on cloud 9. You don’t realize that he’s chewing like a cow; all you see is a glow in his face. What a feeling!

This feeling may last for months or maybe just for a couple of weeks. When you get over that Honeymoon Hump, you come to the realization that everything isn’t as perfect and glossy as it seemed when there was glass over your eye. You realize that your mate does things that irk you or piss you off, and then it becomes a problem in the relationship. It’s normal. It’s absolutely fine that you come to that realization. It’s just REAL LIFE.

Yes, you should be arguing.

YOU SHOULD BE ARGUING! No one is perfect, and you guys will not agree on absolutely everything. Let’s be real. Your favorite color may be blue and your mate’s color may be black. You may absolutely hate black and feel that it reminds you of death. That’s okay! You can’t agree on everything, and that’s why it’s important to express your concerns.

Are you guys being honest with each other? If you guys aren’t arguing, then there’s a bigger issue at hand. You guys may not be practicing honesty with each other. Why is it that you aren’t being honest? Are you afraid that you’ll break up or maybe he may feel differently about you? It doesn’t matter. The best time to be honest about yourself and your thoughts is while you guys are dating and not bound by marriage. If he doesn’t like what you have to say, then move on. You shouldn’t stay with someone who won’t allow you to be who you are. The sooner you find that out, the better. Don’t waste your time.

Are you guys mature? Will he be disappointed if you disagree? You should be able to handle your differences with maturity. If you don’t agree, say something. If he is not able to handle a differing opinion, then it tells you he’s immature. Adults can have a conversation about their differences and respect what each other has to say. No hard feelings, and no tension.

If you are going to remain silent and dishonest, you may as well be an enabler of your mate. Differences range on all sorts of topics. You may not agree with the way your mate handled a situation. Maybe he has a really bad diet and is on the verge of health problems. If you refuse to speak to him about the changes he needs to make, you are being an enabler. If he has a heart attack or is diagnosed with Diabetes, High Cholesterol and the rest, you are also to blame for that. You didn’t speak up. You didn’t make a conscious effort to bring it to his attention and help him change that. Would that make you feel good? No, I’m sure you would feel horrible. Learn to feel comfortable with expressing your opinions.

Argue Fairly

Well, now that I think about it, maybe I shouldn’t use the term “argue”. The idea is that you guys should not agree on every single thing. You guys are not perfectly in sync. That would just be unbelievable. There has to be something that you guys disagree on. So, I say that you guys should engage in a respectful and fair debate. You should be able to express your opinions to each other without raising your voice or throwing hands. Let me just say, you guys should NEVER put your hands on each other. That’s a line that should never ever be crossed. The moment you guys put your hands on each other, you will create a habit that will not end well. It could possibly end your life or get you pretty close to that. Violence is never the answer.

Express your concerns and your thoughts about anything. When you engage in a debate, you should LISTEN. If you are ready with your rebuttal before your mate is done talking, you probably weren’t listening in the first place. Listen to your mate and ask him questions to get a better understanding of where he is coming from. Once you have understood your mate, and he has had the opportunity to voice all of his concerns, THEN you can go ahead to address what he has said. In the heat of the moment, you guys may want to cut each other off and express your concerns, but if this debate gets heated, it may not help de-escalate the situation. Take your time and calm down. If you need to take a break in order to gather your thoughts and not be angry, take that time.

Always remember that you can never take back what you say. Be careful what comes out of your mouth, as we all know that life and death lies in the power of the tongue. In that moment, you might want to throw the meanest insult, but in the end, it’s not worth it. If you’re married, your spouse will be an extension of yourself. Any insult that you hurl at him will basically be coming right back at you. Be mindful and be respectful.

God loves you.

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