Should you tell your friend that their partner is NO GOOD??!!!

The question:

Ethel and Brelyn are best friends and have been friends for the past 18 years. Brelyn met Gabe at a mutual friend’s birthday celebration. Ethel was also at that party and had the opportunity of meeting Gabe as well. Gabe got Brelyn’s number before the night was over and they began to get to know each other. Brelyn expressed to Ethel that she and Gabe had started dating. Ethel met Gabe for the second time and just didn’t feel right about the situation. Should Ethel tell Brelyn how she feels, or should she keep it to herself and let Brelyn ride the wave?

I think we’ve all been there when a friend of ours is dating someone that we just don’t approve of. That person is just not the right fit for your friend or you think that they are sketchy and can’t be trusted. It happens. You just look at them and know something isn’t right, whether it’s their demeanor, they way they act, etc., you just know that something doesn’t add up.

Don’t forget that there may have been a time as well where YOU dated someone who didn’t meet the standards of your friend. How did you feel when it didn’t work out? Did you think back and say, wow, I should’ve listened to my friend, or did your friend not mention it to you at all?

At some point in my later teens, I was with someone that was absolutely amazing and just the greatest friend/encounter/mate, whatever you want to call it. This person pretty much hit everything that was on my “imaginary list” and more. So a friend of mine from school had warned me about this individual and went ahead to tell me about his past with other females and how he had left them out to dry, for lack of a better term. I told her that I was listening, as I was, but the personality that I had witnessed for almost the past year, at that time, didn’t incline me to believe that he was the same person she claimed he was back then. She then went ahead and said, “hmmm..just know that I warned you.” It took a few months, but in the end, she was right and to this day, I always remember the fact that sometimes or maybe most times, our friends know exactly what they’re talking about and have our best interest at heart.

So, there are different ways to handle the situation. You can either tell your friend flat-out that you don’t think that she’s making the right choice. Another option is that you can just smile and allow her to go ahead with the relationship, while offering support when needed. Your response really depends on who you are, the temperament of your friend, and then it also depends on how deep your friend is in the relationship.

Option 1: BE HONEST
Honesty is one of the greatest gifts to man. Just be honest and let your friend know how you feel. If you have any inclination about the character of the person your friend is dating, it has to be backed by something, or i guess your gut can also suffice as “evidence”. It’s just the reality of life. We look at people and think, “oh, that person seems like they’re bad news”. Sometimes, we’re right, and other times we are not, so it’s better to put the bug in your friend’s ear so that they can figure it out for themselves with the hints that you’ve given them.

Option 2: LET IT BE
Another thing you can do is to just let it go and let it be. Your friend may not want to hear your opinion, and so let your friend figure it out on their own. At some point, things will go wrong, especially when God’s on their side, and He will be protecting them from something detrimental if they choose to open their eyes and see. Think of it this way; our parents do their best to try to shield us from mistakes that they experienced when they were younger, and although they may tell us about it, at the end of it all, they just have to let it be. Sometimes, experience is the better teacher, and if you choose this option, you will have to experience a parent’s position.

THE OUTCOME:
No matter what option you choose, just be prepared for a reaction. If you decide to be honest, which is the option I would hope for, just make sure that you put your wall of offense away. Do not get offended. You may get a good response, and on the contrary, you may get a bad response. The best reaction that you can receive is a thank you coming from a friend that understands your concerns for him/her and their relationship. Every friend should be grateful when a friend takes the moment to look out and express concerns.  An appreciative friend will take note and pay more attention to see if s/he is also getting clues on whether or not this person is a good fit instead of allowing lust and love to sprinkle dust in their eyes, blinding them from seeing the reality. With a negative reaction, you just may end up in an argument or your friend may even cut you off completely.

As the friend, you should pray that you get the better reaction. Most times, we know when someone is not right for us, but for a really stupid reason, we choose to continue to entertain them because it makes us feel good in the moment. Don’t forget that when you waste your time with someone you KNOW will not be in your future, you block the chance of actually attracting someone who is worth the while simply because they thought you were taken. In all honesty, when you love yourself completely and wholeheartedly, you won’t even allow just anyone to come through. Let’s love ourselves.

Now, to the person that is receiving the opinion of your friend, I would hope that this person is truly your friend and isn’t steering you out of a relationship due to jealousy. Be open to the concerns of your friend, but it’s important that you use the information to figure out whether or not it’s valid. Don’t just get out of the relationship and later find your “friend” dating that same person.

God loves you.

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