Single DOES NOT EQUAL Alone
What does it mean to be single? Many of us may answer saying that it means for us to be alone or without company. This is one of the greatest misconceptions we’ve all come to understand and believe. If you take a look at the Merriam-Webster definitions, among the others you will see “consisting of a separate unique whole”, “having no equal or like.” Being single does not necessarily mean being lonely or alone, it means that you are whole or complete—one piece. When you purchase a product at the store, they don’t tell you that you can’t just purchase one item because the other will be lonely. The manufacturers as well as the consumers expect that the product will have all of its components and will be a complete and full product. We should view ourselves in that manner as well. Being single means that you are a complete individual, not like another, but your own.
Now, due to this misconception of what it means to be a single person, we’ve allowed ourselves to believe that we ALL need to be married and that if we are not married, we are inadequate or have not lived a fulfilling life, but this is not true. Yes, God created marriage, but He created it for those who were complete in themselves. Adam had responsibilities, a relationship with God, and he did not even know that he was alone. I think we can say that he was satisfied with his position in life. After he was given everything he needed, God then decided that Adam should not be by himself. Adam didn’t ask for a mate just so that he could have someone around that would keep him from being bored. Marriage is great and all, but it’s hard work and it’s only for those who are prepared for it. If you’re not prepared for marriage, don’t feel that you need to get up and find yourself a mate. For all you know, marriage may not be the best course of action for your life.
Don’t allow yourself to be pressured into marriage. Many of us, including our parents think that marriage is necessary at a certain age, but if you have not achieved the ability to be whole without depending on someone else, you just aren’t ready to be married. It’s the honest truth. We hide behind marriage thinking that it will help us define who we are, but we should already know who we are, what we like, our interests, and all of those things before we get married because that will enhance our marriage even more. If we are only concerned with being wives or husbands, our marriages will end up in shambles because we will end being unsatisfied.
All of this is equivalent to one of our previous posts where we mentioned the fact that marriage is not 50/50, but 100/100. In marriage you don’t need halves of each person, but the entire whole. You need each full personality, whole knowledge from both ends, wholeness in every area in order to make your marriage completely whole, and if that just happens to be 200% mathematically, so be it. 200%/200% equals 1, which brings us back to both of you being one whole and one entity with God at the center.
Another unfortunate truth is that we’ve allowed ourselves to believe that true love equates to “I can’t live without you”, “You are my life, without you I am nothing.” Without realizing it, we are reducing our percentage of wholesomeness because we are putting the results of our destinies in the hands of a mere person. Unfortunately, some us will lose our spouses, but the loss of a spouse should not equate to the loss of yourself. You should still be able to stand firm and upright and be who you’ve always been. I know that sounds a bit harsh because you would’ve spent your life with this particular person, but at the end of the day, it’s God that makes us whole, not our spouse, and we allow ourselves to be deceived into thinking that without them, our lives are not complete.
On the other end, PERSONAL GROWTH IS IMPORTANT. Our goal for life is to draw closer to God. If you’re already struggling in that area, you do not need to bring someone else into the equation. It will only distract you from the very thing you need to pay the most attention to. If you’re lonely, makes some friends, go outside, and just do something, but don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings. If you are feeling lonely as an individual, you will feel even more lonely in your marriage. Marriage is not the cure for loneliness.
God Loves You.