The Independent Woman

“I don’t need a man to take care of me.” “I can do bad all by myself.” “I need a man that makes 6 figures or more.” “I can pay my own bills.” “I don’t need to depend on any man.”

These are some of the things that you hear come out of an independent woman’s mouth. We all scream that we are building ourselves up to be independent women. That’s GREAT or is it?

Now, let’s not get confused here. Being independent is good. It’s good to have your own life, to build your career and a reputation for yourself. All those things are good, after all, you didn’t work so hard just for nothing. Go ahead and get yourself the highest degrees, the top notch jobs, and the fancy cars. Go right ahead. Make a name for yourself. Be “independent” and let your parents recover from having to take care of you for so many years. However, don’t come back and complain that there are no guys for you to marry. Don’t cry and say that the available guys aren’t good enough. What exactly makes you think that they’re not good enough? Your mindset.

The “Independent Woman” Mindset

As an independent woman, you want equality. You don’t want the title of being “weak”. So you go out and spend years upon years to build your self in education, in order to achieve greatness. You go ahead to buy a nice car and get yourself a place to live that is to die for. You’ve built yourself up and accomplished all your goals and NOW you want to crown it off by finding a man and starting a family if you please.

How exactly are you going to find a man? Every guy you come across is not up to your standard. He’s not handsome enough for your taste. He didn’t get as many degrees as you did or didn’t reach the doctorate level. Oh, and God-forbid, he doesn’t make HALF as much money as you do in just a week. No one out there fits all your criteria. I guess you’re going to be single forever or you’ll just spend your riches flying around the world to find that suitable mate.

That’s not realistic.

It doesn’t matter how much your mate makes. Men require respect in everything, and if you can’t respect him just because you are smarter or have more money than him, then I’m sorry, you’re not ready to be in a long-term relationship, let alone marriage.

The “Gold Diggers”

A lot of women look down on females that the media has named, “Gold Diggers”. Gold diggers are females, or males that scout their mates based on the amount of money they make or the title they have. They find these mates and require them to pay their bills, take them on shopping trips, vacations and all sorts of activities. These individuals tend to not have the desire to do anything for themselves or provide for themselves in any way. The Gold Digging life is the “easy way out”.

I think it’s important for everyone to build themselves and acquire a degree or a trade that will serve as a means of provision for their lives. You should find pride in being able to take care of yourself and have accomplishments. It should make you happy and give you a sense of purpose in life. Your interest should not be someone’s money or status. You should be your own asset, and when you come together, you should be able to add your asset to the assets your mate already has.

Respecting Your Man

Men are the anchors of the household. It’s God’s divine hierarchy. When God created the family, it was based on structure. Think of it as if each person was an umbrella. God is at the top and then your husband. Your husband’s umbrella then covers you as you cover the children.

Men are beings that require respect to be given to them. You can’t be with someone, disrespect them and then expect for them to be happy with you. The NEGATIVE things you say to man stick with them FOREVER. It’s pretty similar to the type of memory a woman has when she asks her boyfriend the same question over three months and he gives three different answers each time. Men will remember when you insult them, belittle them, and make them feel that they are not important or don’t contribute to the family. Doing this is not right.

The man is the head of the household and should be treated as such. Although women tend to have a lot of responsibilities when it comes to keeping the house and being in charge of the children, men also have a huge task at hand. Men are responsible for making sure that the household is provided for. Provision is not just with money. I think we focus on money a bit too much, although the world we live in runs on money. Provision includes money, care, shelter, training, spiritual growth and so much more. Let us not be narrow-minded and not give men the credit that they deserve. God gives the men the title of being a Pastor in their household. They are responsible for teaching the Word of God within their families. They are responsible for feuds that occur between themselves and their wife. If anything goes wrong in the marriage, God will hold the man responsible because it was his duty to watch over the family and keep it together. Men are also responsible for fixing things, killing bugs(lol), and just doing the tough grimy work in the household. I don’t think women want to have all of that weight upon their shoulders. I sure don’t. Let’s give the men some respect.

Appreciate them for the role God placed them in. I mean, think about it, God created Adam first. He had Adam oversee the land and take dominion of the animals. He gave Adam the task of naming every single animal. That’s a tough job that involves a lot of thinking and reasoning. You can’t just name things anyhow. You have to give them a name that will allow them to live to their God-given potential; the same way you name children. I don’t even know how Adam’s vocabulary came to be. However, God had the option of creating a female first, but he did not. He decided to create the female to be a helper, and you can be that helper even with all of your degrees.


Humility is such a big thing. It’s an essential character trait and it is pleasing in the eyes of God. Being a helpmate should be something you find pride in. No one is saying that you are a slave or the lowest of the lows. You should never feel that way. You are playing your part in the household and it is bringing honor to God because it follows His structure. I know that back in the day, it was the husband’s responsibility to go out and make the money and to also be in charge. The woman’s role was to stay at home and raise the children. In our generation, the responsibilities are shared and sometimes even flipped, however, that should NEVER change the ROLES of each party.

Be humble. You don’t have to be on top. You are a team with your husband. You can be ON TOP as a TEAM. The team will always lose if someone is being selfish or conceited. It’s not just about you. You do everything with the thought that, “I’m doing it to better my family.” Don’t do things to get credit. God who sees all will give credit where credit is due. Don’t focus so much about what you’re doing, that you fail to focus on what you aren’t doing. These things affect our family dynamic negatively. The way you treat your man will serve as a negative example for your daughter. She will grow up thinking that disrespecting men is the right thing to do. She will struggle to find love because she would’ve taken after your steps. Is that what you want for your offspring? Be humble. Your role is just as important and it plays an integral part of making your family a success.

Let’s be humble and respectful. God’s structure was designed to perfection. Have faith in what God has destined for you and play your part to His glory.

God loves you.

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