WAIT! He has a kid…

The question:

“I met someone that I am really into. He’s a devoted Christian and after some time of getting to know each other, he wants to start dating. That’s great, but he has just revealed to me that he has a kid. Should I still date him?”

Funny Story: I used to “talk” to someone that was about 4 years older than me. We hit it off and talked all the time. He went ahead to reveal to me that he had a kid. My first instinct was that, wow, I never thought I would be put in a situation like this. I wasn’t judgemental, but I did ask key questions to see what type of father he was and also to assess the type of relationship he had with the mother of his child. I knew that his child’s name was Michael and that his father would always visit him in the city. So I didn’t have to question whether or not he took care of his son because I knew he always made an effort to visit him. So, I told my sister about this new guy in my life and I had told her that he had a child. I wasn’t really sure how she would react, but then she asked the same questions and said that if he was taking care of his child, then it was okay. GUYSSSSSSSS. After a short while I asked him how Michael was doing and this man was on the floor dying because it was just a JOKE! He was testing me y’all. I didn’t even know how to feel. This child was reallllll to me. I couldn’t feel well. Lol.

So anyway, it’s not a crime to date someone that has a kid. In this day and age, a lot of people have children and no matter how you choose to view it, children are a BLESSING. It doesn’t matter what shape or form they came in or how they were even conceived. All of that doesn’t matter. The ability to bring forth a child into this world is a blessing, so let’s just get that straight.

So in our generation, people are having children left and right and in many situations, the mothers are not in a committed relationship with their children’s fathers and so they most likely may not even stay together. So then what does that leave you with? It leaves you with mothers and fathers that are looking for love just like they would even if they did not have that title.

I would say that if someone you’re interested in has a child, you should take some extra time to study them and see what type of parent they are. Situations like this are dicey because you are not only dealing with that person; you are dealing with the child, the mother of the child, and then possibly the other half of the child’s family. If anything goes wrong in that circle, it will affect your mate and thus affect you. If you go on to marry this person, these are the things that you will continuously have to deal with for the rest of your lives in marriage. Take your time in that relationship and study the person. Are they a good father? Do they spend time with their child? Are they respectful to the mother of their child? Do they provide financial support for their child? Are they still romantically interested in their child’s mother? Why did the two of them break up? Does he lie to his child’s mother about money and then buy you food and clothes instead?

You need to take note of all these things because if you do not get good answers to these questions, you will potentially put yourself in the same situation and involve yourself in a love triangle that will go on and on and on and bring out a character within yourself that is not of God. It’s very possible to date someone with a child and have a successful relationship as long as your foundation in Christ is firm and continues to build.

You don’t want to break up a family that has the potential of coming back together. Prayer is key. Pray about it all the time and seek God’s direction. Broken homes always affect the child the most. They begin to question why their parents did not stay together and that can build a wall between yourself and your potential step-child. If things are completely over between the two of them and they both have moved on with no hard feelings, then it may be okay for you to come in.

It may be best to focus first on a friendship so that you allow enough time for his true colors to come out. Normally when you first enter a relationship, you are putting up a front so that your mate will think that you’re absolutely flawless. You tend to be more natural and free with people that are simply friends with you, and so get to that point and get your questions answered. Do what is best for you because you will be committing to not just the father, but to the child as well, and that’s a big task to handle. Make sure that you are prepared for it.

God loves you.

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