Why Men Hesitate With Commitment
What is Commitment?
Commitment according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is:
a : an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date
b : something pledged
As far as relationships between a man and woman are concerned, commitment is a purposeful engagement with the hope or promise of achieving a greater cause such as solidifying the bond both parties share, or even marriage. Let me be very quick to add that not all committed relationships end in the latter for various reasons, some of which I will touch on.
What causes men to shy away from the responsibilities of being tied to one woman?
The primary reason why some ‘men’ shy away from the responsibilities of being tied to one woman in the simplest terms is FEAR. This could be fear of not having the freedom to be an individual and do as he pleases, or the fear of not wanting to be mature enough as far as being responsible for his lady and catering to her love, growth and emotional needs.
Having the ability to experience different sexual encounters with multiple women
Secondly, having the freedom or ability to experience different sexual encounters with multiple women or simply ‘juggling’ is another reason why men back away when it comes to being committed to one lady. There are a number of guys who are on a mission to fill their sex count resume with ladies from diverse backgrounds. For example, when I was in college, I came across guys who had made it their top goal to have sex with ladies from different ethnic backgrounds. Monday night could end with him having sex with a lady of Latin origin or an Asian background, so on and so forth. This type of mindset is very childish to me because it could lead to all sort of mental and health issues. What purpose does such a behavior serve? Perhaps, to earn the meaningless title or sobriquet “Sexual Conqueror” or “Conquistador”. That’s farcical in my opinion!
Egotistic Ideals (inner competitive spirit)
Egotistic ideals (inner competitive spirit) could be another reason why some guys find it extremely difficult to stick to one woman. By this, I am referring to his exaggerated sense of self-importance or arrogance, pertaining to how he feels the need to satisfy his libido. This type of behavior or spiritual urge could lead him on a very dangerous path to engage in all manner of sexual activities that could destroy him and the very purpose of his existence, which is to serve God, be a good leader and example in society, and love his neighbor as himself.
Immaturity and Influence from close circles (friends)
Immaturity and influence from close circles (friends) could easily lead a guy astray and prevent him from being committed to his. In such a case, this gentleman has his eyes and mind fixated on purposeless activities- it could be drugs and alcohol, partying or other forms of self-pleasure. The Bible highlights the negative effect of such influence [bad company corrupts good character] although it was used in a different context. “Don’t be fooled by those who say such things, for “bad company corrupts good character.” Think carefully about what is right, and stop sinning. For to your shame I say that some of you don’t know God at all.”-1 Corinthians 15:33-34
There are instances where family history could be a reason why some men don’t understand the need to be committed to one lady. Perhaps, growing up in broken home never gave some guys good examples to emulate. It could have been related to a generational curse which stemmed from a great grandfather and was passed on to a father or even uncles. If there are no good examples to look up to within a guy’s family, he can look up to God and external centers of influence for guidance and positive influence. That is the purpose ministers, mentors and officers in high authority serve.
To overcome the challenge of commitment, it is imperative that any broken relationship with God is mended because God is the epitome of love. If we claim to be His followers, as men we have to have a deeper understanding of His love for the church and extend that to how we treat our ladies. Men have to make it a point to date and engage women with purposebecause that is God’s perfect design. If a man needs guidance, he should seek counsel from God and people who have been ordained to provide proper mentoring. Let us do better as men!
God loves you!