I’ve NEVER been on a DATE!

The question:

“Hey Cynthia I love this blog that you and your husband have started. May God Bless both of you. So let’s see I’m 24 years old never been in a real relationship or even on a actual date which sounds actually pitiful lol considering all my friends have at least gone out on dates or been in relationship. P.S. none of my friends know about this because to tell you the truth it’s embarrassing. I’m not desperate to be in a relationship but at times I do feel off like damn you’re in your twenties now and you still haven’t been on a date. Honestly speaking, I seem to only attract old perverted men, freshies from off the boat lol, or clown boys *african accent* (don’t have anything going for themselves) which is a big no no. My question to you is that should I be worried? lol I’m more of an introvert, a bit shy at times. But depending on who you are I can be the opposite loud, crazy (in a good way), funny. I’m getting older now and I’m like God where is bae for real but on a real note I’ve been working on myself. I just don’t know lol.”

Thank you so much for your kinds words. We hope that these posts will really help people out and answer some of the questions you all have had and more. If you have something that you would like to see, please let us know on our contact page!

First, I should ask, why do you think that it’s pitiful and embarrassing to not have been on a date at this time in your life? Is it because your friends have all done it? I think in this generation and probably other generations as well, we’ve gotten caught up with comparing ourselves to others. We always want the same lifestyle or life experiences as someone else. Lately, we want the same love stories as others so that we can flaunt our weddings on YouTube, but we really need to come back and get our minds set on what marriage is really all about. There’s no age limit on marriage, and I know society has made it look like we need to get married by a certain age or else our lives won’t be lived to an optimal level, but we’re basing our standards on the classifications of the “World”. This is the world that we have acknowledged we are not part of.

I can totally relate to a portion of your story. I was much younger than you and just as you mentioned, I was and am mostly an introvert and depending on who I’m around, I tend to be more quirky and lively. Sometimes, you just need to get out of your comfort zone. When I met my husband the second time around, it was almost as if we had switched personalities. I was the one that did more of the talking while he just gave me some short answers, but in real life, he’s the most talkative person I know. If someone is interested, the amount of talking you do won’t matter so much, especially if they’ve had their eye on you. Sometimes people aren’t sure how they will be received, and so be sure to put on your most friendly attitude when you approach people, just like I had to do. Afterwards, things went back to normal, and I was back on my quieter side.

You’ve listed the type of men that you attract. Although some “freshies from off the boat” may turn out to be good candidates, you may want to use that evaluation to figure out what you need to work on personally. Is there a particular demeanor you carry when you walk into a room? Is it your choice of clothing or which body part you choose to bring attention to? What part do you play in all of this physically that causes these types of men to be attracted to you? If you are only attracting these types of men, maybe there is a particular thing that is keeping the right type of men from approaching you. Sometimes, it may not just be you. It can also transcend into the type of friends that you may have. People tend to say “show me your friend and I’ll tell you who you are”. I typically disagree, but there are times when this statement is very true. What type of people do you hang out with? Also, what things would a guy see on your social media profiles that may turn him away? What type of language do you use when you speak? There are so many things that may draw or push people away from interacting with you whether they just want to be friends or romantically involved with you. Try your best to identify a few if possible and work towards changing it so that a positive light will shine on you.

Stop focusing on the fact that you are single. There is no experience that will make you more than ready for marriage. What you don’t realize is that you are probably already getting some type of training with the people you encounter. Condition your mind to react to people as if they had the temperament of your future husband. I’m not saying to go around treating others romantically, but if you come across someone and interact with them, you will get a bit of who they are and in turn, you will speak to them accordingly. Take note of your interactions with people and your friends as well and determine in your mind how you would treat the character if it were to be something that your husband had as well. I think that will be practice for when the time does actually come for you.

Instead of worrying about not having gone on a date yet, focus more on just making friends. When it comes to a long lasting relationship, you need to be friends with the individual first before it goes anywhere else. Become friends with people. Put yourself out there appropriately, and without realizing it, you may just meet up with your potential husband. God is never late, but always on time. Trust Him and put more of your focus on creating a better relationship with God. By getting closer to God, He will reveal things to you that you most likely wouldn’t have been able to see with your naked eyes. Everything else will fall into place at the right time.

Please do take a look at this post, as I addressed some of the same issues here as well: “Where the Godly Men at?”.

God loves you.

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