“My standards are keeping me from the finding a man!”

What are standards? Standards are a list of wants and sometimes needs required in a man or woman that you would potentially like to engage in a relationship with. It’s the level to which you hold someone. Standards shape the mate you are looking for. This list of wants and needs can either include physical characteristics, character/manners, educational status, career status, familial status, religious affiliation, and more. It’s up to you, the individual.

Why do we need standards? We all need standards in order to keep our futures in check. You don’t want to have just any kind of standard because in the end it will either make or break your destiny. The type of person you choose to engage with and possibly end up marrying is who you see paving the path of your family, whether it is for good or for bad, and so it’s important to choose wisely. Standards become a problem when we abuse them and become too rigid. Some individuals need to have every single thing on their list fulfilled as others are able to bend their desires for something that they thought they wouldn’t like or be attracted to. Behavior like this may result in you not finding the mate of your dreams and realizing that they probably don’t exist or that the specific person you’ve painted isn’t what you thought they would be.

We all have standards when it comes to looking for a potential significant other. I’m sure at a younger age, we all sat down and figured out which qualities we wanted in a man/woman, whether it was physically, mentally or character-wise. I can bet that a number of us put six-pack on our list or a “coca-cola shape”. It was fun doing that a younger age, but becoming an adult, it kind of messed us all up didn’t it? Some of us carried those unrealistic expectations into adulthood and now we can’t find a potential husband or wife because we’ve basically filtered every possible man or woman out with those expectations.

As Christians, our biggest filter should be the filter of having a relationship with God. Now, notice that I didn’t say “being a Christian”. Honestly, when you meet people for the first time, almost all of them are “Christians”, and that’s because their parents dragged them to church every Sunday as a child, and they’ve grown to continue the pattern. Going to church every Sunday is one thing, but actually having a relationship with God is another.

It should be your aim to help someone become who they want to be. If that is to lose weight, then do it with them. A great way to build a romantic relationship and to bond with your significant other, is to work out with them. If you marry them, you’ll spend the rest of your life helping them with whatever their desires may be, so start getting use to it. You will never find someone that is squeaky clean. Everyone has their own baggage, their own struggles to handle, and you WILL have to accept some of those struggles before you get married. If you don’t accept them, you just won’t get married.

Maybe that didn’t make so much sense, so let me break it down. When you get to know someone, everything seems all peachy in the beginning, doesn’t it? After some time, their true colors come and out and they begin to reveal their habits to you and who they really are. The good things may remain, but the not-so-delightful things will surface. Now when they surface and you become privy to what they are, you have to decide whether or not you want to take on that challenge. Once you agree to it, it becomes your problem as well.

But back to standards, if we are so focused on what’s on the outside, we miss out on what actually matters, which is one the inside. Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be physically attracted to your mate because you should, however, it shouldn’t be your main focus. If someone you meet has a good appearance, but doesn’t have the flattest abs or straightest teeth, you just may be blocking a blessing or two. As I mentioned before, you should definitely be attracted to your mate, but you shouldn’t allow your laundry list of standards to keep you from meeting someone that you can actually end up being attracted to and enter a relationship with.

Now, I know there are some folks out there that can be very judgmental and won’t go for anyone that’s not on their prophetic status when it comes to their relationship with God. First and foremost, if you know that you’re not on a prophetic status, you shouldn’t expect anything more from the mate you’re interested in finding. Don’t you think your mate may also want someone that’s on a particular level as well? Yes, there are folks that don’t take their relationship with God seriously, and obvious clues will give that out. However, there are folks who are serious about building that relationship and they may not read their bible and pray every single day, but trust and believe that your spirit will not clash with theirs if their heart is true. How many of us actually read and pray everyday as we should? Let’s not be so judgmental. Instead, we should sometimes put our feet in the shoes of others and see if we are all that different from who they are. At the end of the day, we are all striving or should be striving for perfection. That should be our main goal.

Be careful what you hope/pray for! When I tell you that God answers prayers, HE ANSWERS THEM, however, the result may not always be what you would have hoped for. I’m sure we all want success and would like to be with someone that would make us never have to think about paying a bill ever again. Do we realize that most of these wealthy people don’t tend to have much time for their family simply because their priority is keeping the cashflow afloat? Maybe they won’t get to spend much time with you, but yes, you’ll never have to think about a paycheck again. What if you prayed for a mate with an amazing body, and down the line, they developed an illness and are given medication which causes them to gain 50 pounds or more? Would you still have what you would’ve wanted?

It’s great to have standards that actually matter. Let’s not get caught up in creating an unrealistic mate within the walls of our minds. Let’s pray that we get the characteristics that matter most and will better our futures, allowing us to reach our destiny. All the extra things are nice, but let’s pray and focus more on what God thinks will be better for us. I’m sure you would rather have quality time and health over the major luxuries.

God loves you.

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