The question:

“Why is it that when you enter a new relationship that has the potential of being serious, all of the people you used to engage in potential relationships with decide to hit you up one by one? What should I do?”

I think a lot of us have experienced this. You leave a relationship that isn’t going anywhere, and after some time, you enter into a new relationship and all of a sudden, your past starts sending you messages as if they had a radar on you after you had split up. I never understood this, but all I can say is that you need to look forward and move forward.

Don’t look back. If they text you asking how you’ve been and you know that they are not genuinely concerned about you, you have a few options:

  1. You can completely ignore them: Don’t get caught up in the back and forth.Don’t start a conversation that you know will not get you anywhere. Simply ignore them, and if that is too hard for you to do, you should block them for some time. Some folks are very persistent, and they will not hit you up once, they will hit you up multiple times until they get the response that they want from you. Don’t allow yourself to get trapped.
  2. Give short answers: If you don’t want to engage in a conversation, just give the person short, vague answers. They will get the point and realize that you just don’t want to talk to them or that there is nothing to talk about.
  3. Just say no: If someone from your past asks to hang out and chill and you know that it is not a good idea, don’t make it difficult, just say, “NO I DON’T”. Honesty is your best friend. Simply let them know that you don’t feel that meeting up will be beneficial at this time in your life. Tell them that you are trying to move forward or that you have already moved forward and that it would not be a good idea. They can’t be mad about that. If they let you go, they have to deal with the consequences of that and vice versa.

The devil doesn’t want to see you prosper. When I tell you that I was receiving text messages about the status of a relationship that ended over four years ago, you would be shocked. I was receiving these messages just a few weeks before my wedding, not even months before. My thought was just, “Why are you bringing this up now? You’ve had years to talk about it, but regardless of that, I thought you were over it.” Either way, I showed the messages to my fiance at that time and he just laughed about it. He wasn’t concerned in anyway, and frankly, neither was I.

Don’t look back. Don’t allow yourself to be stuck. In Genesis 19, we learn that God wanted to and succeeded in destroying Sodom and Gomorrah. In the instructions the angels explicitly gave Lot and his family, they mentioned that all of them should run and should not look back. Lot’s wife decided to look back and she literally turned into a pillar of salt. God is speaking to you folks that love to dwell in your past. If you decide to entertain that failed past relationship, you will turn into that pillar of salt. You will not go anywhere unless the wind blows or the table turns. YOU WILL BE STUCK! There is more to life than to be stuck in a situation that you were not destined for. Move forward. Everything happens for a reason, and people are meant to be in your life for a particular season. Let them fulfill their season and stop mistaking them for what is meant to be permanent years down the line. There is greater ahead for you.

At the end of the day, if you’re with someone else, I would think that it was because you had healed and gotten over that past relationship. If you are not over that relationship, then you have absolutely no business getting into a new one. If you can’t speak to that ex cordially without developing feelings or wishing that things were good again, then you should probably get some time to yourself to figure things out. It’s okay to not have it all figured out. It only becomes a problem when you force yourself to race against time and then start new relationships without having adequate time to heal. You can check out one of my previous posts on healing: Moving on from the past…

God loves you.

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